‘A story shared by countless families’: American families of substance-dependent kids see themselves in the Reiners – but worry about stigma.

When reports emerged that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, parents grappling with a child’s substance use are concerned the discussion will center on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the far more common risks of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a murder of two people is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”